Puny puns

Iowa  is misspelled.  It should be iouwa. A state in arrears.

Mississippi misses the ippi and is a state of stagnation.

New York is getting old and should be Old Yorkie.

Washington is our cleanest state.  But there is some agitation there.

Four corners is a place of meeting.  We should hold the Republican Conference on that spot and play ring around the corners.

Hillary is getting eroded down.  She should change her name to Bumpy Clinton.

I am watching for floods.  Curt Flood use to play baseball.  He would surf into second base but sometimes was a little short.

I use to take the subway in New York, I tried to get on the d. rail but it was off that day.

Can you reach a contract if it is breached?

Does a whale say it had a whale of a good time?

If I digress can I also pro gress?

I am at confusion with flipping houses.  Is it like flipping pancakes?  Are the roofs on the ground and you enter through the attic?

I hear that fifty cents has a brother.  He is the other fifty cents.

Can Ludicrous ever be sardonic?
Indians built high buildings in New York.  Were they off the reservation?

Can intel ever be non intelligent?

Rumor has it that the next president will be an actor.

Why do cats sleep so much?  Imagine they were awake more.  Would they be better hunters if they spent more time on the hunt?

Sick Puns in the Sun

What are rice cakes?  I know they are made of rice but where is the cake?

Gefilte fish puzzles me.  What kind of bait do you use to catch them?

What is a saddle tramp?  He could not be a cowpoke for that indicates he has a job and therefore not a tramp.

Is backlash the same as whiplash?

Can a blind person go to Sea World?

Can a microwave go macrowave?

I had two cats named Mac and Cheese.

Do back roads have spines in them?

Is a meatloaf steamed or stewed when it is angry?

Do solvents solve the problem?

Do jumbo planes carry jumbo cargoes?

Can stainless steel ever have stains?

Is low fat a Chinese food?

Can Scarlet get scarlet fever if she gets sick?

What cost more the water in the bottle or the bottle in bottled water?

If you stole a truck of bottled water what would be your punishment?

What is a non-attorney spokesperson?  You mean lawyers cannot speak for themselves?

If A One Steak Sauce tenderizes meat, and you eat a steak smothered in it and it goes in your stomach, does it then tenderize your stomach?

Ode to a Texan

I was born under a Texan sky,

I will have the blood of a Texan until I die,

I am red and white and blue,

I have a heart which soars into the blue.

I love my sweet heart as surely as the sun sets,

My thoughts are pure and comprise of the best,

You can depend on me to be honest to the day is long,

For I am what is the soul of this little ditty song.

My land is small, but it is mine and I love it for it is pure and rich,

My lady is the queen of my castle and I will never switch,

I work from sunup to sundown to make my bread,

I live the Texan life, proud and enough said.

Watch what you say.

We are so politically correct that we have warped ourselves into a nightmare.

No one talks without worrying that their words would be misinterpreted and that causes fear.

We are scared to offend and be branded prejudice or worse,

We now find that what we say can be misinterpreted and a curse.

Paula Deen the butter Queen, spoke the N word and was economically attacked,

News commentators speak their mind and find their careers curtailed and even sacked.

No one says what they mean and skirt issues as if they were the plague.

So we say things with hesitation and make them unclear and vague.

We cannot call a person a bitch without someone calling us a sexist,

We could make a collection of non-usable words and put it on a list.

So in a country where we have the right to speak,

We have muted ourselves and have become muted and weak.

Bad Kitty is Gone.

Why do we feel so much remorse when a pet dies?

There are tears and grieve, and red eyes from tears and cries.

There are gulps of air and heaving of the chest.

There is a numbness that something is lost, you know the rest.

Yesterday our cat, Bad Kitty, died from the poisoning of pee?

Obscene as it appears it was the cause that caused our cats demise.

It came sudden for Bad Kitty was only three and small of size.

My wife was hurt and went into remorse,

Grief is real and it runs a difficult course.

Bad Kitty is gone and the memories are growing dim,

We buried her in the back yard, near the lake on the rim.

Sudden and fast and the gulf of loss was deep.

Last night was tough and we lacked some sleep.

So now we dwell on the petting of our surviving three cats.

Whitey, and our Turkish Van, and Morris sleeping on his gray mat.

Back and glad to be.

Sorry guys been gone for over two weeks. LEGOLAND has exhausted me.

Back on track.

My mind has gone blank, or else I am shooting blanks.  So slowly I must massage the grey cells and come back to creativity.

We have gray cells and white cells and red cells.  Color coordination of the body.

Well, back to work.  Does the sniper bird use a telescopic lens?  Does the wren mate with the hen and have when’s?

Is there an app for appetite?  If one has a petite appetite doe’s one eat small foods, like little corns?

Are the small corns on my feet come from the cornfield?

Does the fish in the ocean know north, south, west and east?  Or does he feel the warmth of currents and just follow them?

Do Great Whites have a counterpart in Great Blacks?

Do coral reefs have interior decorators?

Certain words have meaning in the letters?  Lasers and Scuba are words and yet each letter has a meaning?  What is a broad, what does the letters mean?  B equals babe, R is red hot, O is over the top, A is great behind and D is drop dead gorgeous.

Love and marriage is like a horse and carriage.  But which comes first, the horse or the carriage?  You feed the horse and it pulls, you feed the man and it pulls his weight.  The carriage is ornate and in precious metals, like a superior car with great features. Just like a woman with good carriage.

Goodbye Grease

I solve my problems and I see the light
We got to plug and think, we gotta feed it right
There ain’t no danger we can go to far
We start believing now that we can be who we are

Grease is the word
They think our love is just a growing pain
Why don’t they understand, It’s just a crying shame
Their lips are lying only real is real
We start to find right now we got to be what we feel
We take the pressure and we throw away
Conventionality belongs to yesterday
There is a chance that we can make it so far
We start believing now that we can be who we are

Grease is the word
Is the word that you heard
It’s got groove it’s got meaning
Grease is the time, is the place is the motion
Grease is the way we are feeling

Grease is the word
Is the word that you heard
It’s got groove it’s got meaning
Grease is the time, is the place is the motion
Grease is the way we are feeling

Grease is the word
Is the word
Is the word
Is the word

Heard this on the radio today and went back to the time when guys greased their hair. We use to roll cigarette packages into our short sleeves. We use to wear undershirts as outershirts. We wore tight pants and we were into cars. We would race them. We loved the rev of the engines. The power.

Girls wore big skirts with poodles on them. They were females and we were supposed to treat them nice like statutes, breakable and fragile.

Grease was not a word. It was a gooey mess. We acted irresponsibly and a lot of children were conceived in the back of an auto known as Grease Lightning. Early marriage and pregnant girls.

Reading this one realizes that the only change is that guys sometimes can afford a hotel room.

My hair is gone and so are many who played the parts in Grease. Time marched on and the grease phase is gone.