A Prayer to make the day.

A Simple Prayer for You.

 

There are days I remember. I am sixty eight and many days have faded away. But there are some that remain in the front.

 

Meeting my wife. Getting married. The birth of my three children. Especially the last which was done by a midwife. Buying a car, a house, a final life insurance policy. Those are the personal moments.

 

The vacations, buying a great baseball card, the garage sales, the good meals, the good intimate moments. Creating life, and celebrating great moments. Retiring from the chaos of teaching. Chaos can be good but overwhelming.

 

Seeing a good movie, which lately is rare. Seeing a good television program. Seeing cosmos which is spectacular. Seeing something on television which makes me feel mankind or womankind serves a greater purpose. Seeing God in the smallest of things and the biggest of things.

 

Seeing a sunset through my eyes, hearing laughter of a child at LEGOLAND where I have my retirement job. Seeing a smile on my families face. Seeing my Grandson at Grandparents day at his school, and watching my Granddaughter dance at recitals.

 

These are the things that mean something to me.

Remembering the places I have visited and the history I have seen and been part of. Seeing the sights of beauty that exist in nature like the Grand Canyon. Seeing the crater a meteor made, traveling in the mountains, and rafting down a river. Parasailing over Acapulco, and going to the zoo, and a day at Sea World.

 

To sum it up, a life worth living and enjoying. May all have these and other great moments?

Mother and Wife, a collision course

How my mother met my wife.

It was in 1979 and I had met my future wife in Miami Beach. I had proposed and wanted my mother to meet her. Sounds good so far. I sent her an airline ticket and she was to fly up Friday night, stay until Sunday and during that time I would introduce them.

Well the plan fell through. On Friday I felt a pain in my side, it would turn out to be my appendix. I went upstairs to a doctor friend who lived in my apartment building and he gave me a shot for pain and told me in the morning to go to my doctor for an analysis. I told him I was going to drive to the airport to pick up Alice. He said, “NO WAY” I just gave you a shot of morphine and you will be out in half an hour and you will not be able to drive.

There I was stuck. I could not pick up Alice, I had no way to communicate with her, no cell phones at this time and time was running out.

I called around and a friend of mine, a friend girl, went to the airport to pick Alice up. I left the door open and went to bed. I heard the door open later and barely conscious looked up and saw my future wife come into the bedroom. I then blacked out.

I woke up the next morning and knew I needed to go to the doctor ASAP. Alice drove me and the doctor put me immediately into the hospital to have my appendix removed. It was close to bursting.

So there is my wife. She has the address of my mother and nothing else. She is unfamiliar with New York. She takes a cab to the apartment of my mother and rings the doorbell.

My mother opens the door and states, “Where is my son?”

Alice tells her the hospital and my mother asks, “What did you do to him?”

They never got along after that.

I married Alice and we have been together forty four years, and three children. And that is how my mother met my future wife.

A twist to start or end your day.

What would zombies eat if they were vegetarians?

What would a zombie crave if he had a foot fetish?

Would a zombie avoid liver?

What does a zombie drink for an aperitif? A zombie!

If Cleopatra was bitten by an asp did she kick her asp or the bucket?

What did Nero eat while Rome burned? Answer: He had barbequed ribs.

If a werewolf landed on the moon what would he bay at?

What kind of bin has birds? Answer: a looney bin.

If Noah was alive today what animals might he ask God, to not take on the ark?

Why do people toast people when they get married? Is it because they gave bread for a gift?

Does the moon have a dark side and does it need therapy for it?

True history. The Polish army attacked Hitler’s tanks with cavalry? Now that is brave.

What do sacs have to do with sacrilegious events?

If Rome was sacked how did they carry it?

Why do people insist I kiss their ass when there is no donkey in sight?

Fun with Words and strange thoughts

Vegetarians came up with a plan to end the slaughtering of animals for food. They got scientist to teach the cows how to say Jesus and the turkey and the chicken too.

 

They succeeded and instead of saying Moo the cow said Jesus. Since the cow was now saying the name of the Lord people stopped eating the animal. The same with the turkey and the chicken. A few animals refused to learn and they became the dinner plate special. Amen brother, and femen, sister.

 

If a Black Man marries a Chinese Woman and has a boy. Then a White Man marries a Hawaiian Woman and they have a girl. This boy and girl get married and have a child who is Black, White, Chinese and Hawaiian. If that child has to fill out forms what does the child put for ethnic.

 

How does a quarter horse run when there is only a quarter of him?

 

Remember when the expression was “a nickel for a pickle?” There were five and dime stores and gasoline was under a $1.00? Remember when there was Wonder Bread? Boy time does move on.

 

I am dyslexia and therefore I mix up numbers. In an emergency I dial 191 instead of 911 and no one comes. I never could get a job delivering pizzas for I would mix up the addresses. I had so many girls who I could have taken out on a first date but I mixed up their addresses.

 

I had a party and hired two servers. One had the A tray and the other had the B tray. But the Betray served pigs in blankets and the A tray served blankets without pigs. People liked the B tray better. Go figure.

 

When people get frustrated with their accountant do they tell him to go figure?

 

Do IRS people have nice IRA’s and are they named Ira?

 

How simple is Simon and what does he do at the fair? Is he a baker? What kind of pies does he bake? If it is simple as apple pie, or tart or you do not give a fig?

Sweet at one hundred and fifty feet or Love is in the Air.

I was the attendant on a ride where the platform rises and goes in the air. It goes to one hundred and fifty feet and the one hundred or less customers on board can see fifteen miles around in all directions. It goes up slowly and rotates on the top for two rounds and then goes down.

We were half way to the top and a man gets on his knees and proposes to the woman next to him. I was passing and heard her say yes, they kissed and I asked her name. I asked permission to relay the information to the other customers and she said okay.

I did so and the whole crowd applauded. It was great being part of their special moment. It made my day and I will remember the incident fondly.

Good luck to Ashley and her fiancée in their lives together.

This ride has been nice to me. Years ago I went up on it as an attendant and saw a space shuttle get launched just as we hit one hundred and fifty feet. The group aboard cheered and for a second we were united as Americans all.

I have been up when there were concerts and you could hear from the stadium the music. I have been up when there were fireworks in the sky.

This is a great ride and I am glad to have been a part of it. It has given me sweet spots in my life. The funny thing is I am not partial to heights.

What is my name?

A change of name.

 

My name is Barry Wax or at least I think it is. But when I researched the past I came across the fact that my last name was changed. It took place when my great- great grandfather emigrated from Russia near the turn of the last century.

Being from Russia is different than being from a country in Europe. The language is in a different language with different letters. The trip was probably in a Liberty Ship. I have the berth records of my wife’s great great grandparents.

The destination was Ellis Island. That is where the processing begins. I have learned there was an A group and a B group. The A group came over with money and they were processed like rich people like on the airlines. The majority rest went through a long process. A few were sent back and the usual reason was disease. TB was a big no no.

So there is my ancestor. He speaks no English. His papers are minimal. His skills questionable. But there are some interpreters. His name is Maxovitch Vesbronik. At least that is the best I can make of it.

Ovitch in Russian implies son of. So Maxovitch is the son of Max. Right away his first name is changed to Max. No sense writing the long version over and over. The people doing the paperwork at Ellis took short cuts because the lines were long. The last name had to be looked at. The question asked was “What did you do for a living in Russia?”

He had something to do with candles. And thus the name Wax was put into motion. They could have gone with Wache, which is the German form I think, he could have been Wick, Tapir, or Parafin. So I guess Wax is not so bad. At least it is short.

By the By, I have no middle name. I tell people in those days it cost money for each letter. So my parents were smart enough to save the dough and give me an eight digit name.

My name is short and sweet. In Russian looks like this: Меня зовуткоротким и сладким. But on my gravestone I will use Barry Wax.

Reality television

Can reality television get much worse?

As long as it sells and someone opens the purse.

We now have watching paint dry as a source of joy.

Or watching a shrimp boat sailing with an ahoy.

 

It is scripted and drama woven into its mix.

Even the shows move with false fights and hitting with sticks.

Originality is no more, it has been edited to the floor,

We flip the switch as a human who is a bore.

 

Vets in space is coming soon, alien pests with no clue,

The effects of flying on the human body in the blue,

Tree climbing by pregnant moms as dense as the wood,

People with missing body parts doing what they could.

 

Will someone say enough, will someone pull the plug?

Give me the shovel, I will bury the television with a hole I dug.

It’s boring like Judge Judy going it’s a gift, no it’s a loan,

It is as boring as listening to lovers on a cell phone.